so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
