If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
