Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This is not my ceiling
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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