It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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