I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize