so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
