my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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