which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
