Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
