A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
