Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
