if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When did angry sex become our thing?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
