almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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