R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
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