I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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