I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.