you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
