Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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