my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Randomize
