i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
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There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
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Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me