my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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