five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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