I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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