used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
