So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
