Do you still have your period?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
