Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
