so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
