Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i wish my penis had a tongue
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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