My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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