If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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