Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
