8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
