Soap is not a condiment
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
