I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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