i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
