you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
