i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
