He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
