I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
