then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
