It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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