i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
