I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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