Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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