Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
