I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize