covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
