My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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