Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
