Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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