Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
