According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
