I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
