You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
