Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
FUCK WHALES
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