I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
