You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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