Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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