If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
