please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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