In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm determined to sit on that face.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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