Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
