Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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