You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
