He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
