guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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