what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
