So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
