You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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